26-12-2018 / Personal Visions #11: Exposed Nerves
Exposed Nerves
In this entry I hereby present the eleventh entry in the Personal Visions series: Exposed Nerves.
Technical commentary:
The place where I took this photograph is one I know well; I've been there plenty of occasions across time.
Interestingly enough, that place could have remained still in time if only the people who live nearby, visitors and artists with a lack of environmental ethics had thought of keeping their impact to a minimum.
But why take care of something that belongs to everybody if we can be selfish and use the place to our personal advantage with no regard of anything else, right?
This is why the face of this place has changed every time I've gone to it. On one side it's sad, but on the other it means that there is always something new to see, even if it's unpleasant.
In my most recent visit I had to ask myself: "What can I take pictures of that I haven't already captured?"
One of the visible changes this time around was that the towers that are there were being slowly devoured to extract the metal rods that form part of the structure and gives it shape.
Personally, I wasn't too thrilled about the scene but I have to admit that upon looking at the towers in that state I couldn't help but feel identified with them; I had been feeling exactly like that on the inside during that point in time.
That feeling was the one that motivated me to make this and other photographs; I wanted to capture the feeling and emotion of an open wound that shows everything there is below the surface. That which shouldn't be exposed to begin with.
This case was one where the final image depended 50% of what I did during capture and 50% on what I did during post-production.
That percentage may sway to one side or the other depending on the intent for the final image.
Regarding the capture process, I had to frame the photo in such a way that it would look like an open wound. The damage had to be visible but it was also necessary to have a frame of reference that showed, even if it was a little, of what should normally be there.
Finding the balance between the damaged and the intact parts was difficult; too much damage made it look like just a texture and the whole context of it was lost. Too much percentage of the intact part would reduce significantly the visual impact of the damaged area.
In this photograph in particular I think I managed to achieve a proper balance.
Having said that, the part of post-production was a completely different problem.
After succeeding in getting the balance right during capture, now I needed to find a way to highlight the point I was trying to make since the beginning.
That required shifting the weight of the colors; in the original capture, the most intense color was the blue of the sky to the left while the detail on the tower looked rather flat. It didn't have the impact I was looking for.
I decided to mute the blue color was much as possible only stopping just before it turned grey, this was done in an effort to avoid a visual clash between colors in the final render of the image and also because in this case in particular the blue in the sky was not meant to be a point of attention.
Making adjustments in the particular colors of the image I was able to achieve the bleeding look I was seeking. When I saw the exposed metal rods for the first time I had a feeling of exposed tissues and muscles. That was exactly what I wanted to convey.
There was a limit to how much red I could apply to the image, however. Otherwise it looked...fake. Like if I had painted the concrete myself using a painting rod or brush.
I wanted a more organic look and this was the version that achieved that effect in my opinion.
Another thing I was trying to achieve by altering the color was to make the metal rods look like they were covered in blood. After all, both nerves and metal rods are meant to be under layers of flesh or concrete in order to be protected.
The most obvious thing when having an exposed nerve in view is for it to be covered in blood.
Finally, I added a touch of scratches on the photograph to leave a visual nod to whatever it was that caused the damage. Without it, the image still looked too pristine and intact. It's one of those small details that help the general concept and the final rendering of the image to coalesce.
It's similar to the ray of light I used in The Contemplating Man.
Since the very beginning I was looking for a raw and uncomfortable image. I wanted it to hurt, to burn, that you couldn't take your eyes away from it because of that curiosity we all have of looking at something that we know it's there but we don't see every day.
To me at least, this photograph will always represent those open wounds we carry and the effect they can have on us.
It is a fact that it was too uncomfortable for me to take this photograph. In part it was one of the reasons why it was so difficult to compose the image to begin with: thinking of how to make a photograph while everything hurts on the inside is... uncomfortable.
Between how I felt in general and how it made me feel to be identified with the scene, I was too distracted. I felt like an exposed nerve.
I suppose it was that pain that tattooed on my mind the final image and why I never lost notion of how I wanted it to look in the end.
It was really important to me to achieve that bleeding effect in the final rendering because a deep wound with no blood would look fake and artificial. Besides, it is also another form of expressing just how deep the damage has been able to reach.
The differences in color create an interesting effect. On one hand there's the fresh blood (red) and the blood that has already clotted (orange); the fresh blood against the one that's been exposed to the air for a while.
Same case with the nerves; there are some that are bleeding which means that they've been recently exposed and there are those that aren't covered in blood; the ones that have already burned out due to the feeling overload.
The longest nerve that runs through the whole image is the one that hurts me the most because it represents the main issue that prompted this photograph. That is why it's covered in blood in both ends; it was the one to be exposed more recently and the one that burned the most.
Wounds like that tend to burn, tend to itch, tend to hurt, tend to overwhelm the mind and cloud judgment, tend to make us sweat and make us go to corners inside our mind that are not easy to control.
Some people cover them to pretend they are not there, others distract themselves with all sorts of things to avoid feeling that pain, some of us carry them around exposed until the wound closes and scars on its own or until the pain is overwhelming and we become completely numb.
The ideal thing to do would be to tend to those wounds as quickly as possible but some of us require those wounds to burn and hurt so we will learn our lesson; so we won't allow a wound like that to be inflicted upon us again.
As for me, I think I can put that particular nerve back where it belongs. It no longer needs to be exposed since there is now something else to represent that sensation.
From now on, this photograph will say what that nerve is too damaged to express anymore.
That percentage may sway to one side or the other depending on the intent for the final image.
Regarding the capture process, I had to frame the photo in such a way that it would look like an open wound. The damage had to be visible but it was also necessary to have a frame of reference that showed, even if it was a little, of what should normally be there.
Finding the balance between the damaged and the intact parts was difficult; too much damage made it look like just a texture and the whole context of it was lost. Too much percentage of the intact part would reduce significantly the visual impact of the damaged area.
In this photograph in particular I think I managed to achieve a proper balance.
Having said that, the part of post-production was a completely different problem.
After succeeding in getting the balance right during capture, now I needed to find a way to highlight the point I was trying to make since the beginning.
That required shifting the weight of the colors; in the original capture, the most intense color was the blue of the sky to the left while the detail on the tower looked rather flat. It didn't have the impact I was looking for.
I decided to mute the blue color was much as possible only stopping just before it turned grey, this was done in an effort to avoid a visual clash between colors in the final render of the image and also because in this case in particular the blue in the sky was not meant to be a point of attention.
Making adjustments in the particular colors of the image I was able to achieve the bleeding look I was seeking. When I saw the exposed metal rods for the first time I had a feeling of exposed tissues and muscles. That was exactly what I wanted to convey.
There was a limit to how much red I could apply to the image, however. Otherwise it looked...fake. Like if I had painted the concrete myself using a painting rod or brush.
I wanted a more organic look and this was the version that achieved that effect in my opinion.
Another thing I was trying to achieve by altering the color was to make the metal rods look like they were covered in blood. After all, both nerves and metal rods are meant to be under layers of flesh or concrete in order to be protected.
The most obvious thing when having an exposed nerve in view is for it to be covered in blood.
Finally, I added a touch of scratches on the photograph to leave a visual nod to whatever it was that caused the damage. Without it, the image still looked too pristine and intact. It's one of those small details that help the general concept and the final rendering of the image to coalesce.
It's similar to the ray of light I used in The Contemplating Man.
Since the very beginning I was looking for a raw and uncomfortable image. I wanted it to hurt, to burn, that you couldn't take your eyes away from it because of that curiosity we all have of looking at something that we know it's there but we don't see every day.
To me at least, this photograph will always represent those open wounds we carry and the effect they can have on us.
Personal Commentary:
This was a photo I needed to make as a form of catharsis.
When I made this shot, I was going through several incidents that had caused too much damage on the inside but I was trying to carry on despite them.
It wasn't exactly pleasant but I was doing it.
However, that didn't change the fact that I was feeling too much all the time and due to that hypersensitivity, I overloaded and became completely numb.
Just as it would happen with a wound with exposed nerves; it is extremely painful until the brain intervenes and blocks the pain that comes with it.
Those metal rods have always been nerves to me. That was the exact sensation I had when gazing at them for the first time because I felt how everything inside me burned when looking at that scene.
It was like looking in a mirror what I felt back then. That confusing paradox of feeling too much and nothing at all at the same time.
It is a fact that it was too uncomfortable for me to take this photograph. In part it was one of the reasons why it was so difficult to compose the image to begin with: thinking of how to make a photograph while everything hurts on the inside is... uncomfortable.
Between how I felt in general and how it made me feel to be identified with the scene, I was too distracted. I felt like an exposed nerve.
I suppose it was that pain that tattooed on my mind the final image and why I never lost notion of how I wanted it to look in the end.
It was really important to me to achieve that bleeding effect in the final rendering because a deep wound with no blood would look fake and artificial. Besides, it is also another form of expressing just how deep the damage has been able to reach.
The differences in color create an interesting effect. On one hand there's the fresh blood (red) and the blood that has already clotted (orange); the fresh blood against the one that's been exposed to the air for a while.
Same case with the nerves; there are some that are bleeding which means that they've been recently exposed and there are those that aren't covered in blood; the ones that have already burned out due to the feeling overload.
The longest nerve that runs through the whole image is the one that hurts me the most because it represents the main issue that prompted this photograph. That is why it's covered in blood in both ends; it was the one to be exposed more recently and the one that burned the most.
Wounds like that tend to burn, tend to itch, tend to hurt, tend to overwhelm the mind and cloud judgment, tend to make us sweat and make us go to corners inside our mind that are not easy to control.
Some people cover them to pretend they are not there, others distract themselves with all sorts of things to avoid feeling that pain, some of us carry them around exposed until the wound closes and scars on its own or until the pain is overwhelming and we become completely numb.
The ideal thing to do would be to tend to those wounds as quickly as possible but some of us require those wounds to burn and hurt so we will learn our lesson; so we won't allow a wound like that to be inflicted upon us again.
As for me, I think I can put that particular nerve back where it belongs. It no longer needs to be exposed since there is now something else to represent that sensation.
From now on, this photograph will say what that nerve is too damaged to express anymore.
Pull this thread
Expose it to the air
Watch it squirm
Feel it burn
Bend that thread
Make it hurt
Make it bleed
Then let it go
Drop it on the ground
Look at it convulse
Say that it will be ok
Say that it will be just fine
Can you see?
How much it feels
How much it aches
How much it's overloading
Now it's done
It's calm and still
Not because it healed
Because now it's numb
It will stay that way for a while
Then it will overload again
It will burn, squirm and hurt
All over again, all at the same time
Until it chars completely
Then the wind will come by
And piece by piece, atom by atom
Wither it away
Until there is nothing left
Until there are no more exposed nerves
Maybe then we can finally rest
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